(censored) to (censored) is the twelfth episode of The Grand Tour. It was released on Amazon Prime on 27th January 2017.


The Grand Tour tent is still in Loch Ness this week, mainly because James May and Richard Hammond are convinced the Loch Ness Monster is real. Jeremy Clarkson is slightly more skeptical on the matter.

Opening the show, Jeremy test drives the Lexus GS-F, driving past many animal-like figures. The American then takes the car around the Eboladrome, where it is one of the slowest cars put round the track so far.

On Conversation Street, the trio discuss Mercedes new idea of renting out your car, just like Air B'n'B. However, the presents don't really like that idea due to the emotional attachment they have to their cars, likening it to seeing an ex with her new boyfriend. Or, in Richard Hammond's case, hiding in a cupboard and watching them have sex.

The trio travel to Wank, Germany, where James drives a Bentley Bentayga, Jeremy opts for Range Rover Autobiography, and Richard chooses a Jaguar F-Pace. They plan a road trip on the Romantic Road via Kissing, Bavaria, then Petting, Bavaria, to F**king, Austria. After passing Landsberg Prison, the presenters stay overnight in F**king.

Back at the tent, Tim Burton is the guest on Celebrity Brain Crash. To avoid the pitfalls of underwater mines that killed Chris Hoy in last week's episode, he opts to arrive via a mini-sub. However contact is lost with the vehicle, and the Loch Ness Monster is blamed.

Back in F**king, Jeremy and Richard suggest to James that they should skip Wedding and head for the Nürburgring instead. James is displeased as he hates the track. A mistake in the voice recognition of James' navigation system leads them instead to Nuremburg. Instead of racing around a track, the trio use a local quarry to perform timed laps in. Clarkson cheats by climbing a hill and crossing the water to beat Hammond and May's times by two minutes.